Thoughts to ponder. Funny stuff I found online...
When it rains, why don't sheep shrink?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?
Is there another word for synonym?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
what happened to the people who were tested w preparation A - G?
So what's the speed of dark?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
How come when you buy a jar of preservatives, on the label it says, "No Preservatives?"
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic?"
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
Why does lemon juice contain mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
How do you know when its time to tune your bagpipes?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
As I said before, I never repeat myself!
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
How come your nose runs and your feet smell.
Why is it that a slim chance and a fat chance can mean the same thing, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
Why is there always one in every crowd?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?
Why does Bugs bunny walk around the cartoon naked, but puts a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?
When pigs fart, does it smell like bacon?
If money does not grow on trees, why do banks have branches?
If you cut off a glowworm's tail would it be delighted?
If you were under house arrest and you lived in a mobile home, wouldn’t you be able to go anywhere you want?
If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?
Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?
When you see the weather report and it says "partly cloudy" and then the next day it says "partly sunny"; what’s the difference?
How do you know which armrest is yours in the movie theaters?
If you say something is indescribable, isn't that describing it?
Do Dutch people always split the bill?
If you died with braces on would they take them off?
Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?
Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
Why do all superheroes wear spandex?
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
Wouldn't you think big cities would have an emergency phone number 119 just in case someone with dyslexia has an emergency?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?
What do they call a coffee break at the Lipton Tea Company?
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"
Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
Why is the word abbreviation so long?
And whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?
Is there another word for synonym?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
How is it possible to have a civil war?
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
what happened to the people who were tested w preparation A - G?
So what's the speed of dark?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
How come when you buy a jar of preservatives, on the label it says, "No Preservatives?"
Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic?"
How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?
Why does lemon juice contain mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
Why is there an expiration date on my sour cream container?
How do you know when its time to tune your bagpipes?
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.
As I said before, I never repeat myself!
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
How come your nose runs and your feet smell.
Why is it that a slim chance and a fat chance can mean the same thing, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
Why is there always one in every crowd?
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?
Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?
Why does Bugs bunny walk around the cartoon naked, but puts a bathing suit on when he goes swimming?
When pigs fart, does it smell like bacon?
If money does not grow on trees, why do banks have branches?
If you cut off a glowworm's tail would it be delighted?
If you were under house arrest and you lived in a mobile home, wouldn’t you be able to go anywhere you want?
If our body temperature is normally 98.6 degrees, how come when it's 98 degrees outside, no one is comfortable?
Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone reversed?
When you see the weather report and it says "partly cloudy" and then the next day it says "partly sunny"; what’s the difference?
How do you know which armrest is yours in the movie theaters?
If you say something is indescribable, isn't that describing it?
Do Dutch people always split the bill?
If you died with braces on would they take them off?
Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?
Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?
Why do all superheroes wear spandex?
Why do bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
Wouldn't you think big cities would have an emergency phone number 119 just in case someone with dyslexia has an emergency?
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